Disclaimer: Everything but the story belongs to Paramount. I don't own anything by the story. I haven't made any money with this and never will. No infringement is intended. Promise.

J/C
NC-17

Summary: An away team led by Chakotay goes missing. Will Janeway lose her newfound love?
Third installment in a series. (1. Just A Moment Ago ...    2. Just For Kathryn)

Where are you?

 by GB

The twin moons cast an eerie, but undeniably beautiful, bright glow through the misty night. The naked branches of the trees split the whirling fog up in horizontal stripes, like a perfect watercolour painting by a truly gifted artist.

The planet’s equivalent of autumn leaves crunched under their feet as the away team from the USS Voyager made their way, phasers drawn and all senses focused on their task at hand.

The security team, lead by Tuvok, the stone faced Vulcan, divided into two groups, one in front and one covering up the rear, had been Captain Janeway’s condition to ever allow for the away team to investigate the apparently inhabited planet.

She had had no other reason than her gut instincts, a strange feeling that everything wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed.

Chakotay, her first officer and next in command, could not argue, not now. They had beamed down ten hours ago and shortly after that, lost contact with Voyager. He knew that if it was at all possible, Voyager would have transported the entire team back right away.

He glanced to his left where B’Elanna Torres, the chief engineer, walked beside him. She made a face at him, something between a grin and a scowl, he knew she was alright.

They had set up camp when they found a suitable spot not too far from the beam out site, but had to abandon it when something interfered with their tricorders and all they could read was erratic data, confused signals that made absolutely no sense. The terrain around them had not been the best place to be caught without tricorders. Chakotay had decided together with Tuvok that they better move on a bit, from a tactical perspective.

Their first encounter with the animals had surprised them.

Almost without a sound, stalking across a field with high weeds, had the dog sized animals appeared out of nowhere, attacked them and injured one of the young biometrics ensigns.

The security team had managed to fight them off using their phasers and they had fixed the young ensigns wounds with a dermal regenerator and a hypospray with antibiotics, but the away team realised how vulnerable they were and that they had to keep moving until they found a better place to set up defence parameters.

The landscape offered little in ways of that, however. Large fields, forests with naked trees and a lot of smaller bushes in between making it hard to scout, to run, should one have to.

So they kept walking, only resting for minutes at a time, hoping that Voyager would be able to find them, lock on to their comm badges and beam them out.

Captain Kathryn Janeway strode through the corridors of Voyager, heading back to the bridge from engineering where she had worked with Seven of Nine, Lt. Carey and Ensign Vorik to solve the problems with the outer sensor array and the transporters that had malfunctioned as soon as the away team was beamed planet side.

She was in full captain mode, her command mask in place and nobody could tell just by looking at her that she was chilled to the bone, worried about her away team and Chakotay …

Chakotay, her best friend … her love. The man who never gave up on her, who continued to love her in spite of her best efforts to push him away.

He had only recently been bold enough and violated his own gentle personality and surprised her by taking the initiative and … claimed her. There were no other word for it. He had simply entered her ready room and claimed her, body and soul.

She had been shocked, of course, but also so incredibly relieved. Her loneliness aside, she had always believed that without him she was at least still a good, possibly a great, captain. But even that had rang less true during the trying time of the Equinox. During her senseless, obstinate hunt for Captain Ransom, she had been on the brink of becoming the person she could sometime see in her nightmares. The ruthless megalomaniac … Only Chakotay had objected to her actions, acting like the fine first officer her was. He had the courage to move in on her, challenge her captaincy and save Noah Lessing … save Captain Kathryn Janeway from herself.

She had hated that. She had hated what she had become. She also had been devastated, mortified, when everything was over. Chakotay, relieved of his command, confined to his quarters, Ransom dead, the Equinox destroyed, the five surviving crewmembers of the misfortunate ship demoted.

Then, there her was. Reinstated, back at his duties, he had once again proved himself. He had stood by her, helped her, guided her … helped her find her way back and not allowed her to sink back into depression like she had a tendency to do on occasion, when guilt and despair overwhelmed her.

And now. Now he, Tuvok, B’Elanna and seven other crewmembers were down there. Trapped on that planet without any way of communicating and way to transport them back to safety.

She stepped out of the turbo lift, not remembering ever getting into it, and onto the bridge.

“Report”, she ordered, her voice huskier than usual but no other sign indicating the pain in the pit of her stomach.

“Still nothing on sensors, Captain”, Harry Kim answered uneasily. “It is like there is nothing really wrong with them, there could be some disturbance on the surface that we haven’t detected yet.”

“Keep trying, Harry”, Janeway ordered calmly. “I’ll be in my ready room.”

She maintained her command mask until she was safely inside.

Her knees seem to give in a little and she steadied herself on her desk when going over to her chair. She sank down with a sigh and rubbed her forehead.

“Oh darling”, she whispered. “Where are you?”

They had finally reached a huge set of rocks, several metres high and with small mini caves hidden behind some bushes that would be sufficient as night shelter.

Chakotay and Tuvok exchanged glances and nodded. This would do.

While three of the security team were posted as guards the rest of the team made camp again, using the rocks as shelter from the north. They started two fires and pulled out the Starfleet issued survival blankets, the night temperature was still sinking, they had no way of knowing how cold it was really going to get.

Huddling close to the fire, B’Elanna smiled wryly at Chakotay.

“Even these dry ration bars taste good. That must be a bad sign.” She chewed with mock enthusiasm.

He smiled back.

“At least we are not starving. We also have plenty of water so far. We have to be careful though. Since the tricorders aren’t working we have no way of scanning food stuff or any water source we might find.”

She nodded.

“Voyager will find us. If they can’t do it any other way they will use the Delta Flyer or even land the ship. You know Janeway, she is vehement about saving away teams.”

“Yes, but we have to be prepared anyway”, Chakotay said. “We have walked a long way from the beam out site. We have to take into account that they will have problems finding us if their sensors are as messed up as our tricorders.”

B’Elanna frowned.

“I guess you’re right. I have tried to fix my tricorder whenever we’ve stopped for a break. No luck.”

“And if you can’t, nobody can.”

“Maybe Seven. She is not half bad.”

He snorted.

“What is this? A compliment to Seven?”

“Don’t tell her I said so.”

“Don’t worry. You can tell her yourself.”

“No way. She is so stuck up as it is.”

“I don’t think so, B’Elanna. She is pretty lonely and surely she would appreciate to hear that she does a good job as much as anyone else?”

B’Elanna gave it some thought.

“She is not too good at accepting compliments, you know.”

“I know. But she hasn’t exactly had a lot of practice, has she?”

B’Elanna nodded.

“True.”

They sat in silence for a while, trying to get warm again after walking in the cold evening for so long. There were no wind, but the mist made everything damp an cold, chilling them to the bone.

Chakotay stared into the flames. Bright red and yellow, they reminded him of the highlights in the hair of the small, compact and forceful woman up in orbit.

She was almost fragile but who ever noticed since her presence was ever commanding, ever the intimidating captain of the resilient starship that had survived more than six years in an unknown part of the galaxy?

She also held so much warmth and compassion in her heart and he that even the lowest crewman would die for his captain. All she had to do was to enter a room, walk up to a member of the crew, touch their shoulder and ask a question and there it was, the light in their eyes, their never ending trust. They adored her and she was oblivious to it. She knew the crew respected and cared about her, but the full extent of it? Chakotay doubted she understood.

She was lonely. That was a contradiction only he and perhaps some of the other members of the senior staff was aware of. She was the captain, she could touch her crewmembers, be their captain, the maternal figure, their leader. But who had been there for her, who had she allowed to be there?

If anyone had asked him that a week ago, the answer wouldn’t have been that obvious. But now, since he had approached her, so out of character for him, swept her off her feet quite literally, she had him to turn to. Not only about ship’s business, but on a deeply personal level.

He had held her, watched her finally surrender to a profound need to give herself over to him. He had given her physical release without demanding anything back in return. He just had an urge to show her how much he loved her, that he never stopped loving her all these years.

What had once started on New Earth and then been put on hold, almost smothered and certainly not encouraged, was now out in the open between them. He loved her and she had admitted to loving him, wanting him desperately.

When she let him hold her in her quarters, allowed him to touch her intimately and then surrendering and coming in his arms … He sighed and pulled his knees up, resting his forehead on top of them. She had been fire in his arms, gasping his name and begging him not to stop. That was a Kathryn Janeway nobody else saw. That passionate, very feminine woman, scared, overwhelmed, amused and loving, all at the same time..

He would have given anything to be with her at this moment. She was probably in her best command mode right now, issuing orders, organising their rescue with determination, inspiring the rest of the crew with no end.

“Kathryn”, he whispered soundlessly.

Just wanting to hear her name.

The ready room was lit up with a eight of normal illumination. She didn’t need any light to think and that was all she could do right now. To think about the malfunctioning technology that kept her from saving her away team, about what the fact that Chakotay once again was in danger, what those facts were doing to her.

She angrily tried to stop the latter. He had been in danger and hurt badly on more times than she’d care to remember.  This was no different…

Yes, of course it was different, she scolded herself. She loved him. She needed him here, back in her arms, holding her, reassuring her.

No, don’t – stop, she silently told herself off. Useless thoughts like that won’t bring him back. Think about the sensors, about the transporters. Just keep focusing. Just do that and stop acting like a selfish …

“Bridge to Janeway.” Harry Kim interrupted her thoughts, selfish or not.

“Janeway here, go ahead.”

“We have managed to filter out an unknown source of disturbance. The sensors are clearing up now. We are able to scan the surface.”

She jumped up and practically ran out the door and onto the bridge.

“Report”, she barked.

“Still nothing, they are not at the original beam out site, but that’s not to be expected”, Harry stated. He kept his eyes on his readings, she could see he was as tired as she was, new lines forming on his brow and around his eyes.

“I have them!” he suddenly exclaimed, far too loud but nobody minded in the least. “Ten human life signs at the beginning of a huge rock formation about forty kilometres north of the beam out site. They have walked far, I wonder why?”

Janeway didn’t care why right now.

“Can we transport them out of there?”

“No. Transporters still can’t get a lock, Captain”, Tom Paris said, anticipating her question. He swung around on his chair at the helm.

“I could get the Delta Flyer down, ma’am?`”

She only hesitated for a brief moment.

“Alright, do it. But be careful going in. We don’t know what disturbed the sensors, we don’t want to loose contact with you too down there. Take two security officers with you.”

“Aye, Captain”, he replied smartly and left the bridge.

Janeway closed her eyes for a second. They were alive. Without a sign for more than twelve hours they finally knew they were alive. It was too early to feel relieved but so far so good.

Chakotay stood up and moved to the guard the farthest to the left, it was time for his watch.

“Ensign, you can go and rest now, I’ll take over”, he said.

“Yes, Commander”, the ensign said and handed over the phaser rifle.

Chakotay peered into the misty shadows, not being able to see much. He would be glad when the night was over. The predators they had encountered in the field was hard enough to spot during the daytime, at night it was nearly impossible.

A distant, roaring sound startled him. He raised his rifle, trying to judge where the sound came from.

“ … zzz … zzz … zzz … -way team …”

His comm badge came to life with a static noise that in itself was startling.

He slapped it but kept his focus out into the forest surrounding them.

“Chakotay here, go ahead.”

“ … zzz … zzz ... –ta Flyer. Transporters still down, attempting landing two hundred meters from you.”

Paris. He’d be damned if he had ever been so grateful to hear the voice of that cocky pilot before.

Chakotay headed back towards the campfire.

“Paris, I read you, barely. Stay inside the Flyer until we find you. Do not go outside. Repeat, do not go outside.”

“ … zzz … Affirmative. Setting down now.”

The roaring from the Delta Flyer could easily be heard to the south of them. The rest of the away team had already started to break camp and were busy getting their gear together.

“The tricorders are still no good”, B’Elanna complained, obviously taking it as a personal insult that technology dared to malfunction in her presence.

“We can probably find Ensign Paris using our eyes”, Tuvok suggested evenly.

“Or hear him”, B’Elanna agreed. “Especially since he installed a complete sound system only to be able to play that awful twentieth century rock and roll music.”

Tuvok didn’t roll his eyes, merely raised a very expressive Vulcan eyebrow.

They started walking they same way they came, hoping to find Tom and the Delta Flyer in the field they had passed earlier.

They could just spot the lights from the small spacecraft when the soft sound of paws could barely be detected in the night behind them.

Tuvok’s security team fell back to cover up the rest of the away team, firing their phasers into the darkness, trying to scare off the beasts.

“Keep running!” Chakotay shouted and they moved as quickly as they could between the trees and tried to not fall over the small bushes among them. They covered the last distance, Chakotay slapping his comm badge while trying to make sure they all were together.

“Paris, open the door. Now!”

“Opening the door, Commander”, Paris answered to his relief. The door slid open and he positioned himself beside it to make sure everybody was accounted for.

B’Elanna was the first one in and then Tuvok was there, flanking the other side of the door. One by one the rest of the away team threw themselves inside the Flyer and then they were all there. Chakotay glanced back and then jumped in. Just before the door closed behind him he could have sworn that he felt teeth napping at his uniform trousers and hot breath on his calf.

He examined his leg quickly but no marks could be seen.

He was glad. It would not have been easy to explain to Kathryn.

The shuttle bay had buzzed with excitement and happy voices when the away team and Tom had safely arrived. Now it was quite and only two people remained.

“You told me you would be careful”, the captain said.

“I was careful”, the first officer replied.

“Why is it that it took twelve hours and then some to get you back to Voyager, then?”

“Uh … well, we ran into some unexpected trouble, Captain.”

“Trouble? I heard they were like hounds of hell or something.”

“They weren’t very friendly, I’ll admit to that.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Then why are you standing over there?”

“Captain?”

“Why are you not in my arms unless you are trying to hide something from me? Like an injury?”

Chakotay walked the ten steps that separated them. She was standing there, ramrod and with her shoulders particularly squared under the uniform tunic, hands neatly at her side. Ever the captain.

He smiled and pulled her close.

“Kathryn …”

Her name like a whispered song on his lips.

“Kiss me, Kathryn.”

She shot him a look but put her arms around his neck, pulled his face down to hers.

And then she kissed him. A deep, penetrating, hot, lovely kiss that told him how scared she had been, how hard she had tried not to let anyone know just how scared.

“Darling”, she mumbled against his lips. “Let’s go home.”

“Home, Kathryn?”

“My quarters, your quarters, take your pick.”

“How about the debriefing?”

“Tomorrow. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

“Mm …” He kissed her again, pulling her deeper into his arms, tasting her deeply.

“Okay”, he agreed. “Your quarters. Mine are a mess.”

She laughed and took his hand, dragging him out into the corridor.

A quarter illumination cast a cosy glow in the captain’s quarters.

Kathryn stood in front of the view port in the arms of the man she loved. She was grateful, she was happier than in a long time and she was crying.

He didn’t notice at first, he held her from behind, kissed her auburn hair, nuzzled her ear. Not until he felt her take a shuddering breath did he notice the silent tears forming in her eyes and spilling over to her pale cheeks.

“Kathryn?” he murmured,  hugging her closer.

“It’s nothing”, she managed and swallowed hard. “I was just so scared.”

“I know. It is over now.”

“But … We have so much to loose now.”

“Yes. But we haven’t lost it. We are still here, together.”

She pivoted in his harms and stared at him.

“I couldn’t lose you.”

“You didn’t.”

“But I could have!” She was agitated now.

“There are no guarantees, my love. I am grateful that Tom made it down with the Flyer, though.” He smiled tentatively, knowing her fire just beneath the surface.

“Don’t patronise me. I know there are no guarantees. I am not a child. I don’t need a lecture …”

Her voice broke and taking him totally by surprise she launched at him, slammed him to the floor with all the strength she could gather in that petite body.

The wind was initially knocked out of him and then one more time when her body crushed down on his.

“You could be dead and I had no way to help you, you bast- …”

“Kathryn!” He stopped her.

“I was so scared”, she shouted and a small fist hit him on the shoulder.

“Stop it, darling”, he tried, concentrating on getting hold of her waving arms without hurting her.

She suddenly stilled and slumped against him.

“I was so damn scared”, she whispered. “I just had you, found you, let you … you know … and you were gone …”

Kathryn’s voice broke again and all he could do was lie there on the floor and hold her. He knew exactly how she felt. His anguish had been the same.

Her hands started to move up his chest and then reached his neck where they caressed him with trembling fingers.

Raising herself on her elbows she moved up and kissed him. Her lips tasted salty from her tears but the kiss was magical, hot and invasive, demanding. Her hands curled around his neck at first but then moved on to the front of his tunic, zipping it down.

His chest was on fire, there were no other explanation to the sensations flowing through him when she caressed him. When he was beginning to go stir crazy she made it all ten times worse by moving under his turtleneck and finding his naked skin.

“Kathryn …”, he sighed into her mouth.

“Mm …”

She continued her ministrations, following the lines of his muscles, finding his tight, pebbled nipples, twirling her fingers around them. Pinching them slightly, making him absolutely mad.

She pushed the turtleneck out of the way and attacked his nipples with her mouth. An eager little tongue licked them languidly, sharp little teeth nibbled on them, making him gasp for air.

Her busy fingers had found the fastening of his uniform trousers. They opened it swiftly and one bold hand dove into the heat, under his boxers.

“Kathryn! Oh gods, darling …” Chakotay was dizzy at a loss for words. She was too much, she didn’t give him enough time to get his bearings. She moved to fast, his captain.

Kathryn mumbled something and her hand made contact with his erection and that sent him shivering. Her warm little hand, surrounding him inside his trousers, such a bold and sexy move. His Kathryn?

He closed his eyes and moaned, a deep rumbling sound that made her chuckle.

“Do you want me to stop, commander?” she asked in that velvet, throaty voice.

“No! No …” He quickly opened his eyes.

She pulled his trouser and boxers down, freeing him completely.

Then, nothing. She just sat there, straddling his thighs and stared at him, altering between his face and his aching erection. Her gaze was making him even harder and moisture was forming at the tip, slowly dripping down on his stomach.

With a devilish smile she bent forward, took a drop of it on her finger and then just as slowly put the finger in her mouth, closing her eyes, tasting him. It drove him crazy, she was making him so hot and bothered, he was going to explode any second.

She bent down again and this time her tongue reached out and licked him, all the way from the top and down to where the soft hair tickled her nose. Chakotay groaned and arched against her.

“Do you want me to use my mouth, Chakotay?” she asked innocently, smiling down at him. She looked like an angel with that wonderfully tousled hair around her head and shoulders. The fact that she was all dressed in uniform and that he was vulnerably naked made the image even more tantalising.

“What ever you want to do, Kathryn. Just don’t … stop.”

She considered her options and then bent down again and took him into the warmth of her mouth, letting her tongue taste him, circle him, drive him crazy in all the ways possible. She held on to him through it all, never giving an inch, pushing him towards the edge, focusing only on his pleasure. He cried out, he moaned, he breathed her name and asked for mercy more than once but she stayed where she was, forcing him to the place where everything was electricity and stars and convulsions.

“Kathryn!” He called her name out loud over and over as he came inside her mouth, she was absolutely shocking him beyond words. This small woman, overpowering him, taking all of him without a single moments hesitation.

His Kathryn.

He dimly found himself being covered up with a soft blanket, his captain neatly tucked up under his chin. They were still on the floor but he had no strength left to move to the couch or the bed.

He was still in awe of the pleasure she had granted him. She had taken him as promptly as had she been his and he been hers for a long time. He didn’t know why he had pictured her shy and perhaps with certain inhibitions. She wasn’t shy or inhibited when it came to other aspects of life, why would she be that in bed? Or on the floor as it was.

He smiled and hugged her.

“You are something else”, he said.

“Than what?”

“What?”

“You said that I am something else. Something else than what?” She laughed softly against his neck.

“You are something special, you are like no other person I have ever met. You are something else.”

“Are you sure you are okay, darling”, Kathryn smiled. “You sound awfully confused. You keep saying I am somebody else? Who am I?”

He tickled her.