Disclaimer:
Summary: Janeway is sleepwalking which gives Chakotay all the reasons he needs to take
command - of her.
© GB, June 2000
Captain Kathryn
Janeway was sitting in her ready room, PADDs stacked in front of her, unread. She raised
her hands to her head and absentmindedly started rubbing her temples.
It wasn’t
a headache bothering her, more like a strange fatigue and she knew why but had no clue
what to do about it.
She glanced at
her chronometer and was relieved to notice that her shift ended in less than an hour. It
had been an uneventful week and even more so – boring.
Her door chime
announced a visitor.
“Come
in”, she said and regained her composure.
Commander
Chakotay entered and stepped up to her desk.
“Yes,
Commander, what can I do for you?” she asked, making an effort to sound her usual
efficient and collected self.
“I have
the reports on …”, his voice trailed off as he noticed the PADDs already stacked
on the desk. “I see I am adding too much to your workload, Captain. Maybe I should
hang on to these and do a preliminary assessment of them?” he asked.
“No, no,
it’s okay. Just leave them. I’ll go over it all this evening.”
“But your
shift is over soon, Captain. And forgive me, but you look tired. I am sure this can
wait.” He pointed to the PADDs.
“I am
fine, Commander”, Janeway stated firmly. “I have been somewhat … distracted
today, but I will have this done in time.”
He frowned and
seemed to be biting his tongue.
“Can I at
least interest you in dinner in my quarters, Captain? You will need a sturdy meal if you
are going to have the energy to go through all these. Perhaps we can make it a working
dinner?”
He could see
she was going to refuse and quickly continued. “There are more issues I need to
address, Captain. This would save time.”
As well as her
energy, he thought to himself. She had had that weary, tired look on her face on and off
for more than two weeks now. She probably didn’t think he had noticed, but he noticed
everything about her.
Without
realising how much the gesture revealed she dragged a trembling hand through her shoulder
length hair.
“You’re
on, Commander. I’ll see you in 1930 hours, then. That will be all, dismissed.”
An annoying
smile on his lips at her command mode sentences made her stiffen even more and send him a
disapproving glare.
“See you
then, Captain”, was all he said before leaving.
The door hissed
closed behind him. Janeway sighed deeply and slumped back in her chair. A working dinner;
well that might prove more efficient than her ordinary, lonely overtime.
A sonic shower
were all she had time for, eventually. She decided to wear casual clothes, a simple grey
dress with long sleeves, she needed to be covered up, she couldn’t seem to get warm.
She had checked her quarters twice but it was normal indoor temperature.
She stepped out
and went over to Chakotay’s door. Standing motionless in front of it, a big pack of
PADDs under her left arm; a strange feeling of hesitancy made her stop, her hand halfway
to the control panel. She was so tired and really not up for company. She wasn’t even
hungry.
She had almost
decided to head back to her own quarters when the door opened as if he knew she was there.
“Captain?
Are you okay?”
Chakotay’s
concerned voice reached her and she snapped out of the foggy feelings consuming her.
“Never
better, Chakotay. And please, let’s not remain so formal on our spare time.”
“Well,
dinner is about ready, Kathryn”, he answered, smiling. When she didn’t smile
back he reached for the PADDs and put them on his coffee table.
“I trust
that you will tell me eventually, Kathryn”, he continued. “But now, let’s
eat.”
He pulled out a
chair for her in his dining area and she sat down, trying to appreciate his efforts. He
had prepared a meal of different vegetables and also added fish for her. Being a
vegetarian he was good a making delicious vegetable based dishes and this time was no
different.
Janeway ate
some, shuffled around some and then put down her knife and fork.
“It was
lovely, Chakotay”, she said. “But I am full. Sorry I couldn’t do it
justice.”
“You ate
more than I expected considering your frame of mind.”
“My frame
of mind?” Her voice was icy, in command mode.
“You are
distracted, tired and overworked, probably. And bored.”
She gasped,
trying to hide it from him. He was a mind reader and she hated that ability in him. No
matter how she tried to stay focused and keep her composure; there were times when he
penetrated all of that and just went straight for the kill, so to speak. This was one of
those time and she would be damned if she would allow it!
“And you
are exaggerating”, she claimed mockingly.
“Am
I?” He stared at her. “The Kathryn Janeway I know would have had those PADDs
done by lunchtime, crawled through a couple of Jeffrey’s tubes and inspected half the
ship and then hunted me down for those last PADDs I brought, all before dinner. Do you
dispute that?”
She felt what
was left of colour on her cheeks leave her face. He was right. She knew it and so did he,
apparently.
“I am sure
suggesting a couple of days of rest is out of the question?” he continued.
“You are
finally right”, she answered. She hesitated. “I have trouble sleeping.”
“Have you
seen the doctor about it?” he asked knowing what her answer would be.
“No, I
thought it was temporary.”
“Don’t
you think it would be a good idea?”
“No.”
He sighed and
got up from his chair. Before she could object he took her hand and pulled her to the
couch with him. He sat down and she had to sit next to him, facing him. His dark eyes
probed her blue ones, searching for answers.
He raised his
free hand and swiftly touched her cheek, tracing a line down to her stubborn chin. Her
mouth trembled for a couple of seconds before she pulled free and stared down on her now
clutched hands.
“I do
sleep”, she confessed so quietly he had to lean closer to hear her. “But I think
I go sleepwalking.”
He pulled her
closer and raised her chin with his hand. She tipped her head back and looked at him.
“Tell
me”, he said softly.
“I have
found myself waking up in different parts of the ship on three occasions these last two
weeks. I have no idea how I got there and on one occasion I met crewmembers that must have
thought I was acting very weird, roaming around the corridors in my bathrobe. I am glad
that I have put on my bathrobe, at least. Unless I have been sleepwalking without waking
up.” The thought of that mortified her and she shuddered under his hands.
Chakotay wanted
to pull her close and embrace her but knew she would never permit it under the
circumstances. She was still in command mode in a strange way although her vulnerability
was evident. She always kept her distance and he had wondered about that on more than one
occasion; how such a warm-hearted, caring and special woman could manage to keep that last
front up. The only person on the ship that could reach beneath all her layers of authority
and command must be Naomi Wildman. The little girl aimed straight for the Captain’s
heart and remained there, he only wished he had that ability himself.
“And now
you are afraid to go to sleep”, he concluded.
She was
startled by his sudden voice and his impeccable perception. His hands still on her
shoulder and under her chin, he was too close. Yet she didn’t want to pull away, he
was offering an ear and his sympathy; it would be hurtful and offensive to dismiss him
right now.
“Yes”,
she said.
His thoughts
whirled trying to find a way to help her. Then he thought of the simplest way.
“Kathryn,
just listen to me now, okay? Do you trust me?”
“With my
life”, she answered. “Now what?”
“Stay here
tonight. Sleep here and I will keep an eye on you. If you are up to anything suspicious I
will be there to stop you, to protect you.” He held his breath, knowing she would
probably disagree.
“Stay
here? But you can’t stay awake all night. You are on duty tomorrow, just like
me.”
“I sleep
very lightly. If you trust me, you know we can share a bed and I would feel right away if
you tried to … escape.” He smiled, joking to try and make her smile.
Her smile was
faint, but there. Her eyes scanned his as to look for a hidden agenda which she already
knew wasn’t in him. He was her friend, her first officer since six years. They had
been through so much over the years, saved each others lives so many times, more than
she’d want to count. And now he was offering his assistance, his friendship again.
And it would be a blessing to sleep, to not worry, just for tonight.
She slumped
back against the couch and he acted without thinking, taking her in his arms.
“It will
be all right”, he comforted her, holding her small form closer. Her face was against
his neck, her breath too. She was such a small and seemingly fragile woman, yet she was
the strongest person he’d ever met. Her larger than life qualities made you forget
her small frame, her throaty, distinctive command voice didn’t allow for speculations
of how it would sound if she cried or whispered.
She was doing
neither right now, but the fact that she didn’t pull away from him spoke volumes.
“Chakotay”,
she mumbled against his skin, her breath sending shivers down his spine. “This is
crazy, but I am so tired. I am sorry … “
“Don’t
be”, he said and with one single movement he stood up and lifted her up in his strong
arms, effortlessly. He cradled her like a child and headed for his bedroom. He put her
down on the bed, removed her shoes and pulled a blanket over her.
“Now
sleep, Captain”, he smiled down at her surprised face. “I will go over the PADDs
and then all you have to do is confirm them tomorrow. I will be right here, so you just
relax, okay?”
“Oh. All right, then”, she agreed
and closed her eyes. He remained a little while, sitting beside her and then headed out to
his desk in the other room, sighing as he took another look at the PADDs on his
coffeetable. It was going to be a long night.
He put down the
last PADD and stretched his arms trying to relieve his aching shoulders. The routine work
was hardly a challenge but needed to be done and he was grateful to have finished it. Even
more so, he was happy that Kathryn didn’t have to do it in the morning. No doubt new
reports would be filed and more PADDs would be delivered to her all through the day.
He went into
the bathroom and washed his face and cleaned his teeth. He was not looking to hot himself,
judging from his image in the mirror.
In the bedroom
Kathryn was sound asleep on her side. He lifted the blanket and slipped down behind her,
putting one arm around her waist, protecting her. This way he would feel her movements if
she would try to leave on a new nightly walk.
He had only
slept for about half an hour when she stirred in front of him, trying to sit up.
“Kathryn,
are you awake? Kathryn?”
She didn’t
answer and tried to free herself from his restraining arms.
“Oh no you
don’t”, he mumbled and held her, both arms around her waist. “Kathryn, wake
up. You are on the move again.”
Still no
response and Chakotay decided to see what she would do and let her go. Immediately she got
up and headed for the living room. Her eyes were open, slightly glazed over, he noticed as
he tentatively followed her through the room. She headed for the door and he stopped her
for a moment.
“Computer,
are there any crew members in the corridor at deck three?”
“Negative.”
He let her walk
out the door and followed her. She was barefoot but at least she was dressed in more than
a robe this time. She walked along the corridor but not with her usual stride; it was more
like a slow, although determined, stroll. Chakotay watched her face and it was without
feeling, eyes open but unseeing. She reached the turbo lift and he had to stop her.
“This is
as far as it goes, lady”, he said and lifted her up in his arms. She fought him a
little before going back to sleep, arms reaching around his neck and her face close
against him.
Chakotay’s
heart ached with tenderness for her and he held her close as he walked back to his
quarters.
As he walked
inside she stirred in his arms and raised her head.
“Chakotay?
What … what are you doing?”
“You were
out on another little trip, Kathryn. Don’t worry, nobody saw us.”
“You mean
you let me walk out the door?” She was twisting around in his arms, trying to put her
feet down. His grip was firm though and he was not about to let her go.
“Keep
still or I might drop you on your Captain’s butt.”
“Commander!”
she gasped. “Put me down!”
“Nope.”
“Nope? You
are out of line, Commander.” She was hissing through clenched teeth, but stopped
trying to get free.
Chakotay sat
down on the couch with her on his lap. She tried to sit up straight, in her usual
attitude, but he was too strong and she was too proud to fight him that obviously.
“You
listen to me now, Kathryn,” he started. “You walked out of my quarters and
headed for the turbo lift. I checked the computer; none of the crew was in the corridor.
But I couldn’t let you go in to the turbo lift. Who knows what curious member of the
crew we might have encountered. Perhaps Tom Paris on a nightly stroll of his own, I hear
he is hiding from B’Elanna, she is angry at him for something or other.”
“When
isn’t she?” Kathryn smiled dryly and took a shivering breath. “How was I
acting?”
“You were
stiff, not responding, eyes open and walking slowly, almost casually.”
“Were you
sitting here and I just passed you?”
“No, I was
asleep next to you, holding you. You woke me up trying to get free.”
“Excuse
me? You were holding me?” Her voice was low but with that distinctive tone she used
on unfortunate crewmembers that instantly seemed to wish for a hole in the deck floor.
He
couldn’t help but smile and a soft chuckle escaped his lips.
She turned in
his lap, staring at him. “This is not funny, Commander. I remind you that I have the
power to send anyone on this ship to the brig and I don’t have to justify it to
anyone!”
“I know,
Captain.” He was still smiling but managed not to laugh. “But it was very
innocent, I wasn’t touching you inappropriately.
She mellowed
down a little. “I know that, Chakotay, I am sorry for overreacting. Guess waking up
being carried around like that made me very … defensive.” She blushed a little.
“Perfectly
understandable, under the circumstances”, he agreed. “Shall we go back to
bed?”
She jolted but
then nodded, getting on her feet. She was more unsteady than she first realised and had to
grab for his arm. He put his arms around her back and under her knees and swept her up in
his arms again. “You are not yourself, are you Kathryn?” he stated calmly.
“Don’t blame me for doing this, who knows when I get another chance?”
“Don’t
push it, Commander. Probably never”, she hissed but smiled at the same time. Her
sense of humour wasn’t totally off, obviously.
He put her down
on the bed and laid down beside her. She turned away from him and he positioned himself
behind her. She stiffened at first when his arm circled her waist, but relaxed when he
gently patted her stomach. “Don’t worry, Kathryn”, he whispered. “I
won’t let you get hurt.”
His words were
a breeze on her hair and she put her hand over his and drifted off to sleep.
She didn’t
know at first what woke her up. The bedroom was similar to hers, but not the same. Heat
radiated from behind her back, from a body close to her own. Her heart races as she felt
the hand on her stomach make caressing movements.
She remembered.
Chakotay. She was in his bed.
“Commander”,
she said out loud in her best command voice. “Commander!”
No answer but
his hand moved to her hip and caressed it tenderly, making her shiver from the sensation
of having any hands what so ever on her body. This is getting out of hand, she thought.
His lips
pressed against her hair and the renegade hand crept up, aiming for her breast. She
pressed backwards to avoid it, but that only brought her closer to his chest and the rest
of his body. Her breath got caught in her throat when she sensed his desire pressed
against her bottom.
His hand found
one of her breasts and cupped it gently. He massaged it, fondled it, made her nipple erect
against her will. Her entire body responded to him against her will, she thought
furiously.
“Computer,
lights on, twenty-five percent! Chakotay, wake up! What do you think you are doing?”
she demanded. “Oh.” An involuntary moan escaped her lips.
His lips had
found her neck and placed open mouth kisses all they way to her jaw. He flipped her on her
back, hovered over her … and then he stopped, opened his eyes and looked bewildered
down on her.
“Capt…
Kathryn?” he mumbled in a husky voice.
“Correct”,
she breathed. “And thank the gods you are awake, finally!”
“What
… what is going on?”
“You are
asking me?” she fumed.
He shook his
head as to clear his foggy thoughts.
“Well, I
heard you moan my name and breath hard …”
She went rigid
and hit him hard on the shoulder closest to her. “I did not moan and I did not breath
hard, Commander”, she stated angrily, really not knowing if she had or not.
He smiled.
“Oh, but you did, Kathryn. You said ‘oh’ in a very sexy voice and I had no
idea if I was awake or not. I only know it was the sweetest sound I have heard in a long
time.”
He cupped her
chin and stroke his thumb along her lower lip.
She went limb
and could only look into his magnetic brown eyes. He was way out of line, but so was she.
His touch was seductive and innocent at the same time; she had not understood how much she
missed that kind of touch. And feeling him, her best friend, the person she counted on
most, touch her like this was so powerful, so wonderful. It wasn’t right, but just
for now, she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Chakotay”,
she whispered in that incredibly throaty voice of hers. “This is crazy.”
“I
agree”, he said and kissed her lips very lightly. “It is absolutely
insane.” Her lips were soft and yielding, it would be easy to deepen the kiss. His
tongue followed her lower lip, tasting her just a little.
“No”,
she whispered almost violently. “You can’t do this. We can’t. If you
…”
It was too
late. Her mouth was already open from speaking so frantically to him. His tongue found
hers and he kissed her with such passion and tenderness, his hands pulling her closer,
pressing her against him.
She was furious
and excited beyond words. This kiss was nothing like she’d ever experienced before.
He was all over her, keeping her mouth open with just the right amount of pressure and his
tongue left nothing unexplored. She responded with equal amounts of fear and passion,
followed his lead in this devastating kiss.
Slowly the kiss
turned into little caresses and then he let her mouth go.
She was
trembling in his arms, gasping for air and trying to think of something to say.
“Shh
… “, he said, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. “You don’t have
to think about how to stop this. I already have. It was never my intention to let it go
this far. I am not sorry that I kissed you, though. I have tried to honour your wishes for
the better part of six years, I guess I just lost my focus this once.”
He never took
his eyes of hers while he spoke. He was not making excuses and he was not sorry.
“Chakotay”,
she said quietly. “That kiss was extraordinary, amazing, and I loved it. I know you
almost as well as you seem to know me. My feelings seem to be written right across my face
when it comes to you. I am not sure I approve of that.”
Her choice of
words made him smile, his dimples showing, but he said nothing.
She sighed a
little.
“You know
how I feel about Protocol and the command structure. But I still have to face the problem
with this sleepwalking-thing and I can’t drag anybody else into it. So what are our
options? Either I stay alone in my quarters and risk being seen by gods know who, roaming
the ship at night or I keep you with me during the nights and risk … erm … this
getting out of hand.”
His hand
caressed her hair and followed the delicate line of her neck down to her shoulder.
“With
‘this’ you mean, kissing, fondling …”
“Yes.”
She looked charmingly embarrassed. “So what do I do?”
He smiled and
then started to laugh out loud, hiding his face in her hair.
“Oh,
Kathryn, you should see your face”, he managed between the attacks. “You look
like you are truly between the proverbial rock and a hard place.” He laughed again
and she hit him on the shoulder again.
“Chakotay,
this is a serious problem!”
“No,
it’s not”, he said, suddenly serious. “If I stay at your side at night, I
can’t promise I won’t respond to your presence like I did tonight. But if I
don’t, you might be just as embarrassed as you suspect and even end up getting hurt
from running headlong into just about anything, if you go sleepwalking again.”
He was right
and she knew it. The worst was, he knew she knew it.
“It
won’t be a secret”, she said. “If anyone looks for you, the computer will
tell.”
“Yes.”
“Oh, this
is so frustrating”, she exclaimed and hit the bed with her fist.
“Thank
you”, he said dryly.
“What?”
“For
hitting the bed and not me this time.”
She blushed
again and hid her face against his shoulder. He drew her closer, chuckling.
“You are
so beautiful and I will never stop protecting you as much as you ever let me. And the fact
that I can make you blush has a wonderful novelty to it. I promise only to do it when we
are alone, I mean deliberately.”
She peaked at
him, trying to look angry.
“And in
public, you will only do it without deliberation? You are treading on thin ice,
Commander.”
He laughed and
hugged her.
“Commander,
it is 0600 hours, Commander it is 0600 hours.”
Duty called.
“Bridge
to Janeway.”
“On my
way, Janeway out.”
She strode on
to the bridge from her ready room.
“Report.”
“We have
picked up a type seventeen nebula on long-range scanners, Captain”, Harry Kim said.
“It looks like it could provide us with some energy substances.”
“Sounds
good, Mr Kim”, Janeway said and took her command seat. “Mr Paris, set a course
there, wharp six.”
“Aye,
Captain.”
Janeway glanced
at the Commander on her left. He was busy tapping some calculation into his console. Then
he turned to her and smiled a little.
She jumped a
little and diverted her eyes. Her own console indicated an urgent personal message. She
tapped in her code and read.
‘You left before I could tell you that
you woke me up four times tonight. I had to convince you to stay. If you want to know, I
can tell you exactly how I did that over dinner tonight. My quarters, 1930 hours?’
Her surprised,
angry eyes probed his.
“Commander,
my ready room, please”, she said getting out of her chair.
“Certainly,
Captain”, he said politely and followed her. He knew he said he’d never
embarrass her deliberately. But her command mode, her composure, was such a challenge.
Knowing he was in serious trouble he stepped into her ready room. The doors closed behind
him but he still caught a glimpse of Paris’ smile.
“Commander.
You gave me your word.” If ice could cling to a voice, it did to hers..
“I know.
I’m sorry. I would love to be able to say it won’t happen again, but I would be
lying through my teeth. I can promise that it will not happen when we are in the middle of
having a major crisis on our hands. Which happens frequently, I might add.”
“Give me
one good reason why I should keep you out of the brig!”
“How about
my cooking? No? Um … my skills in restraining my Captain, maybe?”
“Oh
…” She threw herself at him, hands raised to hit him and he embraced her just as
quickly.
“I see you
are very curious to know just exactly how I did it last night.”
“You damn
… “
“Kathryn,
such language”, he smiled.
She backed off,
freeing herself from his arms. “Okay, I’ll take the bait, what did you do?”
“I have to
inform you, Captain, that I found no better way than to kiss you. You struggled to get
free and I couldn’t keep you with me without so much physical force that I was in
danger of hurting you. Only when I held you close to me and kissed you did you relax and
settle down next to me. I swear on my ancestors that this is the truth.”
She could only
stare at him.
“Oh my
… “
“My
thoughts exactly.”
On the bridge
everyone was waiting for the Captain and the Commander to re-join the crew as they were
approaching the nebula.
The door opened
and they both came out and took their seats.
“How long,
Mr Paris?” asked the Captain.
“Ten
minutes.”
Commander
Chakotay’s workstation indicated that he had a personal message waiting.
‘Confirming dinner, your quarters at 1930 hours.’
Not even the smirk on Tom Paris’ face could
keep the Commander from smiling.
The End
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