Disclaimer: Right. Paramount owns Star Trek Voyager and its characters. I make no money from this, I am just borrowing these people to write my story. I do own this particular storyline. No infringement intended, as usual.
J/C romance, angst, a little drama
G
October 4, 2000
Summary: My version of the episode 'Resolutions' - in my story, only Kathryn Janeway is infected by the insect.
Submitted to the ALM Voyages Home Fanfiction Contest and the Purple Planet's Resolution's contest.
Her words
had cut him deeply.
“I
am turning over the command of Voyager to you, Commander Chakotay. Your orders are to
resume course for the Alpha Quadrant. I regret not being able to go with you, but as
things are, all I can do is to extend my best wishes for you and your crew.”
Captain
Kathryn Janeway had sounded calm and matter of fact, her command voice clear over the comm
badge, her choice of words distancing herself from them already.
The faces
of the bridge crew had grown grim, except for Harry Kim who had been close to tears. Tom
Paris had swallowed hard but not revealed any other emotions and Tuvok’s reaction had
been his usual frown, possibly tinted by a hint of concern.
Chakotay,
first officer now made captain, had clenched his teeth and his fists.
“We
are not abandoning you, Captain,” he had stated firmly.
“You
are to follow orders, those were not suggestions,” his captain answered.
“But
the Doctor had an idea, about contacting the Vidiians …”
“You
will do no such thing. I will be quite alright here. All the supplies I’ll ever need
are being beamed down as we speak. I will have a nine class shuttle if I find a cure.”
Chakotay’s
throat had ached with the desire to contradict her, to beam her into a stasis chamber
… to do something other than to leave her behind.
“We
will remain in orbit,” he had said, his voice emotionless. “Until we know for
certain that you are all set up.”
“Fine.
I’ll let you know when I am done here so
you can leave. That will be a good time for me to address
the crew. Janeway out.”
Six hours
later they had been hailed a final time. Kathryn Janeway had complimented her crew,
expressing her wish that they would follow Commander Chakotay with as great valour and
devotion as they had followed her.
In sick
bay, Kes had cried and the Doctor had looked as upset as was possible for a hologram. In
engineering, B’Elanna Torres had bit down hard on a clenched fist, drawing blood, not
even minding Lt Carey’s comforting touch on her shoulder.
Neelix,
having joined the rest of the senior staff on the bridge, found it hard to swallow and
looking at Harry Kim, tears running silently down the young man’s cheeks, walked over
and put his arm around the ensigns shoulders.
When
Janeway’s final words were said, commander Chakotay cleared his throat.
“We
will never forget you, Captain,” he said huskily, “and we will miss you. I can
you hope to follow your example how to guide our vessel through this quadrant. We also
wish you luck in your struggle to find a cure.”
“Thank
you, Commander. Janeway out.”
Chakotay
got up from the command chair. He glanced over to Tuvok.
“You
know what to do. Get these people home.”
Tuvok
nodded.
“You
have made honourable decision. Live long and prosper, Commander.”
Kathryn
looked down at the blisters on her hands. She wasn’t used to this kind of hard
labour. Building the Starfleet issued shelter wasn’t difficult, she had done it on
numerous occasions as a cadet and later during her career, but it had been strenuous,
being just one person. She looked at it, feeling rather content with the outcome.
She would
be comfortable in there. A replicator, a sonic shower and all the research material she
would need to find a cure eventually. A cure for that virus that with a freak stroke of
bad luck had infected only her when she was stung by an unfamiliar insect on this green,
lush planet.
She had
been so ill at first but recovered only to have to be put in stasis when the disease
threatened to put her through another, this time fatal, relapse. She had woken up alone on
the planet, in a stasis box.
When the
Doctor had told her about his failure to find a cure, although he had tried for weeks
without a single break, she had known.
She had to
stay, the others had to move on, no matter how hard it was for them and for her.
She had
stranded them here in the Delta Quadrant, but making the decision to destroy the
Caretaker’s array. It was only logical that she would not stand in their way of
returning home. It would be hard, no doubt the hardest thing she’d ever done. She was
so confident that she would find a cure eventually. And then she would leave this planet,
probably dedicate her life to exploring all on her own.
Perhaps
she nourished some unrealistic idea of being able to catch up with Voyager. It really
wasn’t possible. Voyager’s max warp capability was way too high and even if the
crew would make numerous stops along the way, no doubt she would have to make even more.
Then there
was the question if she would ever find a cure.
Mentally
kicking herself she started to arrange the bed and assemble the sonic shower. She was in
dire need of a shower. What she wouldn’t give for a bathtub.
Chakotay’s
long talk with Tuvok, with whom he had a lot of unresolved issues from their time together
in the Maquis where Tuvok had infiltrated his cell, had gone smoother and showed a side of
the Vulcan that Chakotay had never known to exist.
The Vulcan
was Kathryn’s friend and a very good friend at that. He had listened to
Chakotay’s passionate speech and then surprised him by agreeing completely, looking
relieved, actually.
“I
love her, Tuvok. There is no way in hell I can let her stay behind on her own.”
The older
man looked solemnly at him.
“I am
aware of your feelings for the captain, Commander,” he stated. “I also know she
has come to depend more on you than she ever thought she would. If I were not bonded with
T’Pel I would probably have had the same notion, to follow her. But the fact that I
am married and also the fact that you are, by far, the better choice, makes it logical to
choose this course of action.”
Chakotay
smiled wistfully.
“She
will be angry, no, mad as a wounded Klingon targ.”
“Indeed.”
The night
sounds, unfamiliar and unsettling for Kathryn who was used to the gentle humming of the
warp engines, prevented her from going to sleep. She was exhausted, true to her nature she
had done too much in those days since Voyager went out of communication range. Built the
shelter, put up the first bug traps for her project and cooked. Well, programmed the
replicator. She hated it anyway.
Her
thoughts, with a will of their own, went to Chakotay, her first officer, late of the
Maquis.
He had
been frantic at first. Refused to give up on her, tried to reason with her, threaten her
… anything to not have to leave her behind.
She had
agreed that leaving her behind would be devastating for morale on board Voyager, but there
had been no alternative. They could not remain in orbit forever for her sake and in the
end she had forced him to see it her way.
But his
voice. She could still hear it, if she concentrated, soft and eager over the comm link.
What she wouldn’t give to hear it now, to hear any other human voice than her own.
The moment
of weakness threatened to overwhelm her determination. She had to stay strong, to be firm
with herself. No good would come of giving in to fear or panic. She was here now and she
would stay here until she found the cure. If she panicked now she would be lost.
Breathing
steadily and using all the relaxation techniques she learned in the Academy, she finally
willed herself to sleep. The last image on her mind was his face.
The next
days were uneventful.
She worked
hard, emptying her traps, studying her material. She had of course not believed she would
stumble on anything the first day alone, the Doctor had after all worked for weeks on end
without results.
She forgot
to eat, of course, drank a lot of replicated coffee and cursed herself about that when she
found it even harder to sleep the second night.
She had
slept alright as long as she knew Voyager was still in orbit, but knowing she was the only
human on this vast planet made it hard to relax, no matter how incomprehensible the idea
was.
One night,
Kathryn gave up after two hours tossing and turning. She put on her night gown and went
outside. Sitting down on her doorstep she looked into the starlit night. The sounds were
there, exotic, unfamiliar. Birds, primates she hadn’t seen yet, rodents making soft
noises in the grass.
“I
hope you make it, Voyager,” she prayed silently to the dark sky. “I hope you
make it all the way home and that Starfleet greets you with open arms. I will not give up
here on this godforsaken planet. I will follow. But you will no doubt beat me to it. I
will miss you.”
Two
crystal clear teardrops ran down her cheeks, she furiously wiped them away. No time for
tears.
Chakotay
gathered his survival pack and pulled out his tricorder. He had it set on the lowest
settings not to alert Kathryn about his presence just yet. Part of him wanted to let her
know right away she wasn’t alone, but he knew it was too soon. He had some kilometres
to hike and he would have to be very careful.
He was of
no use to her if he injured himself or got himself killed.
Saying
goodbye to B’Elanna, Tom and Harry had been hard. The Maquis part of the crew had
muttered and banged fists on the wall but in the end respected his decision. He had told
them of his feelings for Kathryn. No other explanation would have been sufficient, he
guessed they weren’t very surprised.
He had
loved his fiery captain for a long time. She was not going to spend the rest of her life
alone on some virus infested planet. That simply was out of the question. And who knew
– maybe she would find a cure?
Two weeks
later she first started to notice an eerie feeling of being watched. She found herself
looking over her shoulder, over and over.
Chastising
herself for being foolish, easily spooked, she kept working. Every day she visited her
traps, collected plausible bugs and during endless evenings she analysed her findings in
her portable computer.
A
unexpected shrieking sound outside in the woods nearly gave her a heart attack. She
strapped on the wrist flash lights, grabbed her phaser and ran out.
Letting
her flash light flicker over the trees she suddenly smiled.
A monkey,
at least it looked like a tall, lean monkey. The chattering primate was sitting there on a
branch, glaring at her.
“Hey
there,” she said softly. “Well, what do you know. You have a new neighbour you
didn’t ask for. I hope you don’t mind me being here, right in your back
yard.”
The monkey
chattered and jumped on the branch, making it swing.
“I
will just have to see if you can be persuaded to donate some blood, won’t I?”
Kathryn asked gently.
The monkey
shrieked again and then it was gone.
Kathryn
stood there, baffled over how quickly the creature moved. There was the explanation to the
feeling she had experienced; of being watched. A monkey, for heaven’s sake!
The large
canyon would take several days, perhaps weeks if his eyes didn’t betray him, to
climb.
Chakotay
looked down the rocky sides and frowned. This would delay him considerably. Now that
Voyager was out of reach, all he wanted was to get to Kathryn, but he had to make it to
her in one piece. This would be trying his patience to the limit.
He dreamed
about her during the nights out in the open. He could picture her working hard, determined
to find the cure, to leave. He had nightmares sometimes that she was injured or breaking
down, even if he knew that Kathryn Janeway had more courage than anyone he ever known.
Her petite
body and her soft skin would suggest that she was fragile and delicate, but nothing could
be further from the truth. She had a gentle soul, that much he knew, but she was
relentless when one least expected it and compassionate when tough methods seemed called
for. She didn’t scare easily, thought fast on her feet and yet she was a little
intimidated by intimacy, even between friends.
She was an
enigma and she was blatantly straightforward.
He loved
her.
A couple
of weeks later, her routine having been established and almost a religion by now, she was
in the part of the woods she had named Beta-4, in her research. She walked in the sunlight
that filtered through the trees, from trap to trap, collecting her bugs.
She had
not slept well at all the last two nights, constantly waking up from nightmares, moaning a
name she would not even admit to herself, seeing the darkly handsome features, hearing his
voice.
She walked
up to the last insect trap and there it was again. The monkey. Chattering, shrieking.
“Hello
again,” Kathryn managed, her voice unused, husky. “We meet again, you sure cover
a lot of territory.”
The monkey
stretched and his ear-deafening screams made her look up. The sky was rapidly growing very
dark and a strong wind was tugging at her dress.
“What
is happening to the sky?” she found herself asking the monkey.
Then there
was lightning and thunder, but still no rain. She quickly read her tricorder but no
readings could explain the change in weather.
Kathryn
pulled at her case but dropped it twice trying to run through the woods back to her
shelter. She fell over and over and now she was getting really scared. She could end up
getting killed out here, getting hit by a falling tree or a heavy branch being torn off by
the wind.
She hurt
her knees, managed to get up again, struggling to keep her balance. The howling wind
drowned out any other sound, deafening her. It was darker now, getting even darker but the
minute, it was like day turning into night instantly. She had a pretty good idea what
direction she should take, she had come to know these parts of the woods by now.
Lightning
struck a couple of hundred meters from her, throwing her to the ground again, bruising the
palms of her hands when she tried to break her fall.
Sobbing,
mumbling she stopped trying to get up and crawled.
She
didn’t quite know how, but suddenly she was inside the shelter, hiding under the
table as her equipment fell around her, breaking as it impacted with the floor.
“No
… no! Oh, no!” she cried out. There was no way such delicate technology could be
handled like that without being destroyed. And with that, her chances of finding a cure,
of getting off this planet to follow Voyager.
Tears
formed, filled her eyes and spilled over as she huddled under table. She had no idea how
long she was lying there. Time was of no importance now.
Chakotay
had found a deep ledge on the far side of the canyon. He huddled in there, hoping in his
heart that Kathryn was safe inside her shelter.
He had
been climbing for hours when the storm hit, some form of plasma storm that struck out of
nowhere.
The
Starfleet issue shelter could sustain a lot but this was testing it to its limits, he knew
that. He closed his eyes to the blinding flashes from the skies, focusing to hold on and
not get caught by the ghastly thrusts of the wind.
The storm
had almost settled.
It had
lasted for twelve hours, if not more. She had lost track of time and now it had mellowed
down to almost nothing.
Kathryn
knew it was pretty much safe now to go outside and determine how much damaged was done.
But she just didn’t care. She just lay there in a fetal position on the floor, arms around her knees. She had
grown colder for every hour during the night and now she was chilled to the bone, beyond
even shivering.
There just
was no point.
Then there
was a sound, something was forcing its way through the debris outside the door. She was afraid but the indifference
consuming her kept her still under the table. What did it matter now?
Soft
hands, warm and familiar, pulled her out and into an embrace.
No wonder
she was hallucinating. She had been alone for such endless days and weeks, no wonder she
heard voices.
No, not
voices. One voice. That voice.
Kathryn
whimpered and refused to open her eyes.
“No,
don’t … don’t …”
“Kathryn,
it is me. Open your eyes. Are you alright?”
His voice
and his hands.
There was
no end to what her troubled mind would do to torment her. He was on Voyager, he had
promised to deliver her crew to the Alpha Quadrant. This was her brain’s cruel way of
torturing her.
“Open
your eyes, Kathryn,” the ghost voice demanded. “You are not dreaming. I am here.
You are not alone, Kathryn.”
She opened
her eyes.
There he
was. Dressed in civilian clothes like herself. He held her so tenderly, rocking her,
hugging her close to him.
“Chakotay,”
she whispered. “It’s impossible …”
“No,
it isn’t. I am sorry, Kathryn. I couldn’t abandon you. I had Tuvok transport me
and my gear out of tricorder range from you. I didn’t want you to pick up my signal
until they were out of orbit. I had not realised it would take me quite so long to reach
you, though. There is a deep canyon between here and where I ended up. I came as quickly
as I could.”
She was
watching him dimly. He looked healthy and
tanned and had a familiar expression in his eyes, watching her.
“Why
… ,” she trailed off and cleared her throat. “Why did you follow me down
here?”
“Like
I said. I could not leave you here alone any more than I could have killed you. And from
looking at last night, I was right to come. The plasma storm sure hit hard. You need help
to fix the shelter.“
“Everything
is destroyed, all the traps and all my research. There is no way we will ever get off this
planet.”
“I
know. I knew of the risk coming down here. But you are not alone anymore and neither am
I.”
He helped
her up but not having eaten properly for weeks had made her weak and she stumbled to the
side and almost fell before he grabbed hold of her again.
“You
are skin and bone, my girl,” Chakotay said, horrified.
“I’ve
been busy,” Kathryn answered defensively. She still wasn’t convinced he was
real, but it wasn’t necessary to be rude.
“I
know; you hate to cook.”
A tiny
smile lit up her face.
“That
I do.”
The
evening came and he was still there. He replicated her some food and forced her to drink
only water, this made her feel stronger and she started to trust her senses more.
He was
still there.
It
wasn’t until the next morning when she woke up safely tucked up under his chin,
wrapped up in his arms, that she accepted it. He was there. It wasn’t a
hallucination, not a trick by a feverish mind. He was there.
Now she
found her anger and supporting herself on her right elbow she glared down at him.
“Commander,
you disobeyed a direct order.”
Chakotay
blinked, barely awake.
“Yes,
Kathryn.”
“I am
so angry at you! Why did you throw away your chance to make it back to the Alpha
Quadrant?” Kathryn poked him in the ribs with her thumb.
He blinked
again.
“Because
there is nothing for me to go home to if you are not with me,” he answered patiently.
“Do
not patronise me, Chakotay. I know very well you have relatives back on earth, friends
left behind.”
“Yes.
But I couldn’t leave you. You would have condemned me to a living nightmare if I had
gone with the others. The thought of you alone here, the only human on this planet and
with little hope of ever leaving. It was too much to ask of me. I needed to come.”
He hugged
her closer and not knowing why, she allowed it. He trembled slightly against her, he was
very honest.
“Alright,”
she said grudgingly. “Here we are. Nothing we can do about it now.”
She laid
down again, snuggling close, not even considering if it was appropriate or not, just
relishing the feeling of him so close. A human touch, his breath on her hair, the soft
drumming of his heart. Life, besides her own.
“I am
glad you came,” she whispered.
A couple
of days later they had cleared the shelter of the debris.
There had
been no other plasma storms and Kathryn had started a little gardening project. Using the
Talaxian tomato seeds Neelix had added to her equipment she proudly stated that they would
have ripe and huge tomatoes in a matter of months.
Chakotay
could only stare in disbelief at the surprising image of his former captain, lying on her
stomach in the grass, planting the seeds.
Her hair
was loosely tied back in a long ponytail, her hands were dirty and her dress had ridden
up, showing long, slim, beautiful legs.
She gazed
up at him, sheltering her eyes from the sun with a dirty hand.
“What?”
“You
are beautiful.”
She threw
her head back and laughed. The man had dubious taste.
“Thank
you, Chakotay. I don’t think you are seeing clearly, but I appreciate the
compliment.”
He smiled.
“Oh,
I see perfectly.”
She was a
completely different woman than on Voyager. She had let her command mask slip, no, fall
off, and she seemed determined to make this extended, perhaps for life, camping trip work.
“I
have something to show you,” he said. “It is a surprise.”
“A
surprise!” She rose and stood in front of him, eager and almost jumping from one foot
to the other.
“It
is something I built for you.”
“Chakotay,
stop talking and take me there. What could you possibly have built so quickly?”
He grabbed
her hand, ignoring the dirt, and pulled her with him. Just behind the shelter, hidden
behind some thick bushes, he showed her his gift.
“A
bathtub! Oh, Chakotay, how did you know?” she asked, pivoting on her heels and
throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him.
“I
overheard you tell B’Elanna once that you like to take a bath after a hard day’s
work. And here on New Earth, every day is about hard work if we are going to make
it.”
She nodded
and took a step back. He was right. New
Earth, as they had named their new home, was beautiful, but it was going to be a struggle.
“I am
so grateful for this, Chakotay,” she said softly. “This means so much to me, I
wish I could do something equally wonderful for you.”
“You
do. You let me hold you during the nights and you try to make the best of every day. You
are a fighter, Kathryn Janeway.”
She
frowned.
“I
had given up, you know. That day after the storm. When you found me, I had given up.”
“You
thought you were lost and alone. You are not a machine, darling.”
The term
of endearment hung between them and Chakotay caught himself holding his breath.
“’Darling?’”
Kathryn asked, a crooked smile on her lips.
“Uh
… yes. I guess you understand by now that I love you.”
She
blushed. A slow, red wave from her forehead down to her chest.
“I
… I thought you might,” she whispered.
“Don’t
worry,” he reassured her. “I won’t demand anything of you that you are not
willing to give me of your free will. I am not ashamed of how I feel, however.”
She shook
her head, still blushing.
“Nor
should you. Love is precious, Chakotay.”
The tomato
plants were coming along quite well, Chakotay had precisely showed her his blueprints for
a small boat when the noise that changed everything was heard.
Chakotay
was leaning over her, she was smiling up at him, excited about the boat and the prospects
of exploring along the river.
“Did
you hear that?” she interrupted herself, tilting her head, listening.
“ …
Tuvok to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay … please respond … “
Voyager
was back.
They had
ignored her orders, contacted the Vidiians, obtained the drug to cure her disease and now
they were back to claim the command team.
Kathryn
stared at him. Mixed feelings whirling inside her, making her head spin.
One part
of her cried; ‘… no, no – not now, not when we were …’ and the
other part ‘… oh thank God, they have come for us, I have my ship back
…’
Chakotay’s
eyes burned with a dark fire at her, he swallowed hard.
Of course
they were going back to Voyager.
1800
hours.
Her ready
room was dimly lit, only one tenth illumination.
Captain
Kathryn Janeway was sitting on her couch, one arm along the back of it, gazing out into
space, at the stars they passed at warp seven.
The door
chime rang.
“Come
in.”
Her voice
was calm. She had been admirably calm and collected, even cool, she guessed her senior
staff would say. Inside her mind, she was a mess.
Chakotay
stepped in, took the steps leading up to the sitting area and stood before her. His eyes
betrayed nothing of what he might feel.
She stood
up and reached for the PADDs he held in his right hand.
“All
done?”
“Yes,
Captain.”
She took
the PADDs, didn’t as much as look at them, only put them on her coffee table.
“I
think we have to talk about us,” she said. “Define some parameters.”
He blinked
and then lowered his eyes.
“What
did you have in mind, Captain?” he asked evenly. “I am not sure I know how to
define parameters.”
Kathryn
cleared her throat. He was not going to make it easy for her … or perhaps that was
what he thought he was doing? Making it easy for her by not acknowledging what they
started on New Earth, not reminding her?
But, oh
God, it was only eight hours ago! Eight hours ago they had stood there, facing each other,
once again dressed in Starfleet uniforms. Eyes confused, trying to hide the agony, their
mixed feelings.
“I
will never forget that you stayed behind for my sake,” Kathryn started in a low
voice. “I owe you my life, again, and I owe you so much more.”
“You
don’t owe me anything …”
“But
I do,” she interrupted fiercely, surprising him by leaning forward and grabbing his
arms just beneath his shoulders. “I owe you everything! My life, my sanity, my …
my … the fact that I found …” Tears rose in her eyes, she blinked
desperately to keep them from falling.
When she
dared look at him again his eyes had softened and a careful smile played at the corners of
his mouth.
She took
his hand.
“Let me tell you a story, an old story my
grandmother once told me. It is about this woman who lived her life to please others,
struggled only to be validated by their approval. She walked the path others chose for
her, played strictly by the rules. But then she found … she found …”
She choked
and had to clear her throat again.
“Is
this really an old story your grandmother told you?” Chakotay asked.
She shook
her head.
“No,”
she allowed. “But it makes it easier to explain what I found.
“Tell
me what you found, Kathryn,” he said.
Inhaling
unsteadily, Kathryn took the jump.
“I
found love in you, Chakotay,” she allowed. “I love you. The only way I could
make myself leave New Earth was that I promised myself I would tell you.”
His arms
caught her, pulled her close while he kissed her auburn hair. It was pulled back in her
usual austere bun, but he could picture it flowing freely down her back, over his shoulder
and chest during the nights.
“And
now?” he asked gently.
“We
take it slow?”
“As
long as there is a ‘we’ – we can take it as slow as you like.”
She smiled
and tipped her head.
“Kiss
me.”
He
chuckled and covered her lips with his. There was no hesitation, no easy brushing of lips.
He opened her mouth with his and deepened the kiss, passionate about this woman, to
passionate to hide his feelings.
Kathryn
moaned into him, tasted him just as eagerly.
“This
is taking it slow?” she asked breathlessly when they parted.
“This
is just the beginning of taking it slow.”
She hid
her face against his chest.
“Are
you blushing again, Kathryn.”
“No.”
“I
think you are.”
“No.”
“Let
me see then.”
“No.”
He smiled
and then laughed out loud from cheer happiness.
“I
rest my case.”
On a
small, green, lush planet a grey, empty shelter stood abandoned. In front of it, small
plants, soon to carry Talaxian tomatoes were being observed by a small, lean figure.
Things
were back to normal, but it was awfully quiet now.